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Raymond a bachelor of 32 was walking the isles of his local grocery store. He was a very handsome man, intelligent and well educated. He had a great job, good health, and a house in the suburbs. He had everything a man could want, but he was still single. It wasn’t because he wanted to be alone; it was because women would only date him a few times, and then never answer his phone calls again. They would leave no explanation as to why they were no longer interested. However he could not see himself as they saw him.
As he was walking down the isle of the store grocery store, he encountered a large woman, very plump taking up much of the isle. Excuse me madam, could you let me get by,”thinking to his self, “What a pig!”
“I heard what you said” the lady replied to his thought, “Thank you for the compliment!”
“Oh!” Raymond exclaimed, in shock that somehow she had heard his thoughts. Maybe he thought, “I actually said it out loud or it maybe it was just a fluke that she knew what I was thinking.
She went on to say “Pigs are very intelligent, I assume that is what you meant, you just took one look at me and assumed I was very intelligent.”
Looking bewildered Raymond looked into her big blue eyes, saying sheepishly, “That is not exactly what I meant”, “Then what did you mean? She responded.
Perplexed, Raymond hung his head, and then lifted his head squarely looking into her eyes again.
The lady proceeded reprimand him,“I know your superior attitude; you think that you’re better than I and because of “that,” pointing her finger at his face, “you’re going to be a Pig for A Day!”
Instantly, instead of the handsome man who had been standing there was a large boar in front of her. The boar had little hair, a thick crusty skin caked with mud and a snout with large pink nostrils and surprising he was still wearing the glasses that Raymond had on.
Just the next moment a thin, gray haired older woman pushing a shopping cart exclaimed “There’s a pig in the store!” She repeated it again even louder. Shoppers were looking her way, thinking this woman must be out of her mind. The manager hearing the commotion walked to the end of the isle and sure enough there was a pig snorting and wearing glasses.
"Is this some kind of joke he thought, is there a camera on me, thinking someone might be playing a practical joke, he calmly said to the lady, “it will be alright I will get Joe the butcher, he raise pigs and he will escort the pig out of the store.”
Meantime the lady who had bewitched him had gone to the register and was checking out. She heard the loud fearful ear piercing swelling of Raymond, as Joe prodded the pig along the isle of the store.
“Call 911 the manager shouted to a clerk who was standing there is shock,
“Yes Sir!” she quickly dialed the number and spoke to the dispatcher.
“We need help here at Hanks Grocery Store; there is a big dog in the store. We can’t get him out of here. Altering the facts just a little, fearing that no one would come if she were to tell the truth, thinking it a prank call.
“OK Animal Patrol in on the way", please stay on the phone.”
Minutes later Animal Patrol officers arrived, hurrying into the store, saying, “Where is the dog?”
“Just look down isle Number four, it’s not just the usual dog,” the cashier warned him. They headed to isle four, seeing a huge boar, snorting and squealing.
“Heck is this dog you called about?” one of the officers inquired.
“Well sir“, the manager answered, my clerk was smart enough to know you’ll never would have come if she had told you the truth!”
One of the officers, questioned, “How in the world are we going to get him out of here, and what in the heck will we do with him if we do?”
Joe the butcher, suggested, “Lets get some fresh produce and make a path to the door up to my truck and I’ll take him to my farm.” Good idea,” they all agreed.
So all who could help picked up apples and celery and made a trail from where the pig stood all the way out the door to farmer Joe’s truck.
Raymond smelling the celery and apples gobbled his way up into the truck.
The woman who had caused the whole situation had checked out and was waiting, and watching all that had happened. Just as Raymond had left the store, she spied his eyeglasses lying on the floor. They’d fallen off as Raymond was eating his way to the truck. She picked them up put them in her purse, chuckling to herself, thinking about all that had happened.
She quickly went to her car, watching Farmer Joe pull out of the parking lot. She began to follow him with her car a few car links behind, as not to be noticed. After going a few miles down the road, the truck turned down a dirt road just past a group of mailboxes and a sign that read “Joe’s Hog Farm, Buy your Pork Here!.”
However she did not follow him down the dirt path but went on past turning down the next road to the right, making a U-turn, pulling off to the side facing the main road.
She turned the motor to her car off, and waited.
Meanwhile back at Farmer Joe’s Hog Farm, Farmer Joe had placed Raymond in a pig pen all by his self.
Farmer Joe’s wife, Fannie came out the backdoor of the old farm house. “What do you have there?” she asked,
“Well, would you believe this hog was loose in the grocery store?”
“That certainly is strange“, she answered “but this hog must be heaven sent, He is just the right size for slaughter, we could have a fine pork roast. How about us killing him tonight and getting him dressed for company this weekend. The children and grandchildren are coming. I just talked to them on the phone earlier today.”
“That sounds like a good idea,” her husband answered, “give me awhile and I’ll get my supplies ready so I can butcher him.”
Raymond had heard every word of the conversation, the very thought of it made him shutter with horror.
He thought to himself, “I’m sure in a mess, I don’t want to be a meal; I’ll rather marry that huge fat woman!”
Then just as the thought had passed his mind, there stood the very woman who he had met in the grocery store.
“Did I hear a proposal? She asked
Raymond stuttered, “Say, well, uh I would rather marry you than be someone’s dinner.”
“You mean you would rather marry a pig than be one?” she laughed.
Raymond’s eyesight was dim, and he so politely and sincerely told her, “You don’t look like a pig I don’t know why I could ever think of you that way, you look mighty gorgeous! I remember your eyes they were as blue as the ocean last time I looked into them.”
She at Raymond and said in a reassuring tone, “If I rescue you from your predicament, could you look past the shape of my body and love my inner beauty?”
“Why sweetheart, I need to know what your name is before I can answer that question”
“It’s Sherri Darling.”
“What a lovely name! Sheri Darling, would you please be my lovely wedded wife for the rest of my life?”
“I will have to think about it, give me a second,” Instantly the spell was broken there standing before her was Raymond, good looks and all.
“Yes you can marry me,” she then proceeded to unlock the pen’s gate letting him out. Immediately they embraced and Raymond kissed her all over her face.
“Raymond my dear, hold my hand, and I will walk you to my car”. He put his hand in hers and she led him down the road to the car. “What time is it? “He asked, as they reached the car. She looked at her watch and quickly responded “its “4:00 PM.
“Why is it so dark at this hour?”
“Well, “Honey”, she answered,“You’re not a pig anymore, but you’ll always have “pig’s eye sight”.
That was no lie… They got married the next week and Raymond stayed “blindly” in love with her for the rest of his life.
Mmmmm .What ever became of his eyeglasses, no one will ever know!
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Comments from Our Readers
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"Read it in one breath. " - Stan, May 30 2009 - reply |
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"what a great story " - jesse_jean57, June 11 2009 - reply |
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