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You wash clothes because you have to. You eat because you have to. After all, if you didn't eat you could not sustain life. There are a lot of things you do because you have to. But, when the time comes that you can't do certain things, and you have to let someone else do them things can get aggevating. To you, and probably to them as well. If you are like most people in this world you don't want that little independence taken a way. After all being able to put a fork or spoon in your own mouth or being able to wash a sweater out in the sink shows a certain amount of independence. Last week a friend of mine had a problem with her car. She ended up selling it because she had to, it was going to cost way too much to fix something that was 17 years old. So she got what she could for it. Her husband needed transportation to work, which was only a couple of miles away. There were no buses at the early morning hour that he had to leave for work, and taxi's cost almost 10 dollars to go that two miles because of stop lights. The two miles was as the crow flies. To get there by roads that man had paved and put in place for what they considered was the best way to get around town, turned the two miles into four miles. She and her husband discussed the situation and decided to take the few hundred dollars they had gotten for their old vehicle and buy him a good bicycle to ride. He had been wanting to join a gym anyway, so this way he could also get the physical workouts that he craved. In addition to the bicycle they bought the helmet,safety lights, a strong backpack for him to carry his lunch, a mirror and light weight safety vest. They decided to just wait on buying another vehicle and to either take the later buses around town or just simply take a cab. This worked for them, but of course it did NOT work for their children. They thought the parents were out of their minds. If they needed to go somewhere they could just call. However, to the parents that meant having to depend on their children to do certain things for them. They also knew that their children had their own lives, and could not be counted on to just drop everything and come running at every little whim. Nor, did they want that. They just couldn't make their children understand that. When it finally got to the point where my friend "lost" it, she really lost it.
"Listen to what I am saying. Really listen, not with your ears but with your heart. IF we do need something desperately we will call you. But, please stop saying that 'YOU' have to take care of me or us. Don't call me and say, "so do I have to pick you up for the family gathering today"? Because no you don't HAVE to do it. You can if you want to, but not because you have to. I still know how to dial a phone, or go online and request a ride from a transportation service. You act like YOU HAVE to do this. Believe me, you don't have to. You can if you want to, but you Do NOT have to. Do you comprehend what I am saying? I am tired of hearing "OH I AM GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, THAT IS MY JOB, I AM YOUR CHILD." NO you don't have to, taking care of someone is NOT a job, unless of course you are in a health care field. You take care of someone because you want to, you give them a ride because you want to. You love them because you want to. NOT BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO, DO IT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO. CASE CLOSED."
Of course, things turned out okay for this family, for even tho they were arguing and basically each saying the same thing, just in different words, they finally got to the point where they understood each other. It took the mother "LOSING" it to finally get the point across, but it finally happened.
I think each of us feel the same way. I know I do. I don't want someone doing something for me because they feel like they have to, I want them doing it because they want to do it.
Case closed.
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