yesterday i cried...
October 13 2010
[ Non-fiction : Poetry/ ]

yesterday i cried
i cried because i was sad
ashamed and distraught
i cried because there is more lie
than truth
because these malicious moments and people took my youth
i cried because my inner child is lost and afraid
i cried because i am a prisoner of my own inner thoughts
yes, yesterday i cried
i submerged myself in the tub and had myself a good cry
i cried because i no longer have my baby
i cried for the earthquake in Haiti
for the children with no daddy
and the sick mommies
i cried because my heart couldn't take no more pain
i cried because superman lost his Lois lane
because the evening soaps just weren't good enough to distract me
i cried because somewhere within my heart i lost the will power to keep pushing
i cried because the high wasn't good enough and these gateway drugs cloud my mind
tears streamed down my face in the form of waterfalls
yes, yesterday i cried
i hyperventilated and my air supply seemed to leave as quickly
as all those i seemed to love
i cried because i want to be who i was
yet the pain has made me who i am
i cried because i am unable to forgive
and it hurts to remember
yet i wont allow myself to forget
i cried for that teddy bear i used to hold as a child
and for the cigarette i clutch in my hands now as an adult
yesterday i cried,
cried as i remembered
remembered trying to forget
forgetting myself in the process
who am i ?
i cried because questions are left unanswered and
i never got the closure i needed
yesterday in a tub of water i drowned in a pool of tears
yesterday i cried with the firm belief that today the tears would be gone
i cried because i cant find her
yet every night i search for her
the little girl i used to be
i cry because Ive forgotten how to smile
so i slight grin is all i can give you
i cried because life isn't good enough
and death isn't an option
i cried because as i look at these pictures
i realize i will never be the same
i choose to
hoping to make my body a canvas
so i can remember
yet i know I'll still forget
i cry because your name was written on my heart in deep scar tissue
scar tissue that has yet to heal
yesterday, oh yes, yesterday i cried
i cried because i couldn't laugh at the stupidity of it all
i cried and i drowned in a sea of salty tears
tears that have built up due to years and years of hiding the pain
i cried because those around me are happy
and home is where i want to be
yet i am lost at a crossroads
today i cry, i cry
because Ive gotten a glimpse at my future
and the mere sight of it all
has rendered me afraid to live
i cry because Ive found her
but she refuses to intertwine with me once again
i cry because she held my hand and uttered the words
"you no longer have to cry for me"
i cry because with those words she set me free
free of this underwater prison my tears have made
tomorrow i will cry
i will cry because it's a new day
because i am alive and well
because my inner child has learned to let go
because the sun similarly to life can be bright
and is no longer hidden by the clouds
tomorrow i will cry with those i love
tomorrow i will no longer cry in silence
because I've gotten the courage to cry out loud
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