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"Daddy, No, Daddy don't do it." "Please Daddy, put down the gun." I was nine years old and my father held a gun to his head. "You don't need to do this, Please stop."
I remember the day my father stood in front of me, my two brothers and my mom, teaching me about suicide. I do not remember how that moment in time ended, yet, in the end, my father never shot himself.
I grew up in a military family, where my parents were really involved in the boy scouts and girl guides. My father was an evil man and he sexually, physically, verbally, mentally and emotionally abused me for 14 years. My mother physically, mentally and verbally abused me for the last four years that I lived at home.
At 14 and a half, I moved out of my family's home and moved into foster homes, which changed a lot over the course of four years. I continued to go on a downward spiral, drinking, popping pills and threating to kill myself. I ended up in a Psychiatric hospital at 14 for the first time, and I spent from 18 to 28 in and out of the hospital alot for suicide attempts and for different diagnosis, including eating disorders and alcholism and drug addiction.
I thought that by the time 2007 hit, my life would change and I would start to be happy. I had accepted God, yet, I walked away from Him, for fear of failure and anger at my life circumstances. In January 2007, I was living at a group home for people of various ages and I got raped there.
In June 2007, I came to a point where I was left with no family, I had lived in over 40 homes and with 18 different families and all I wanted was to feel loved and accepted. I cried for hours, begging God to take me back and said that I was so sorry for walking away from Him.
He came back to me that night and said that I will never again be alone. From that night on, my life completley changed. My walk with God grew so fast and so much. I started to go back to church and I started to rely soley on God. I got off all my medications, which I have been on for the last 11 years, I stopped ending up in the hospital and I stopped seeing my psychiatrist after three years of seeing her.
God is the credit of these changes. He is the one who gets all of the glory in my life and He is the one who changed me so much. He sent Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help us in different ways. God is the one who, if we allow walks with us, to guide us through anything. He is the one who will aid us in change and hope for the future.
It is my hope and prayer that anyone who reads my story will feel God's amazing hand and in the name of Jesus, that if you believe in Him, you will be healed by whatever ails you. I pray for your salvation and healing through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour. All you have to do is say the name, "Jesus" and your life will be forever changed.
God Bless.
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