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Star Wars!
[ Non-fiction : Humour/ ]

If you ever wanted to know what a villager from a remote village of India would be like in Venezuela, you got to read ASKI! Here!

Hitting the stars! Would you imagine what a villager would undergo if sent to Spanish speaking country and lodged in a seven star hotel! Here is the first hand experience from the villager. A first time international business trip needs such excruciating formalities like visa and all. After a wait of about 20 days and with the visa stamped I took the journey to airport starry eyed and all. With no clue to what went inside the head of my business associate who dropped a $900 into my pockets for a transatlantic trip. I had no credit card and I knew nobody over there. I had no clue how long I would have to stay. Having no idea whatsoever on the impending goof ups I boarded the AF to Paris. Charles de Gaulle was so marvelous but I could not locate a health facet in the toilet. I never thought that I would use toilet paper in my life. With no idea on how to use it I skipped the exercise and hopped onto my next flight to Caracas, Venezuela – had to sacrifice my breakfast and lunch for fear of over loaded bowels.

With no clue to local lingo, I managed to scramble to the domestic airport and took a flight to a town called Puerto Ordaz where I was to meet my suppliers. Being a villager with little concern or knowledge about etiquettes and dressing, I was traveling as if I were visiting Patna to meet a fertilizer agent. I was expecting a middle aged Spaniard in business suit to receive me. I was hoping that he would be quite disappointed to meet his overseas buyer in a dark and stocky form with idiotic looks and a beseeching smile. Please note we have never met. When I managed to step out of the airport I was looking for him with my preconceived notion. A boy who resembled Titanic hero met me. He offered his hand and greeted me. I was shocked to find that my supplier was boyish and he was not in a business suit either! He introduced his friends Antonio and Juan who were quite young too and had no clue to English. I was then taken to my Hotel. The glitter all around made me look more foolish and I presumed any foreign country should be glittering. The hotel was superb in every respect. My suppliers politely asked me if I liked my suite (I was put in a suite in a 7 star hotel!). I said its ok – my standard response to unclear situations. He thought I was not satisfied and suggested that we can always move out next day. We put off the decision and I retired to the room. It had a coffee maker, a refrigerator, high soft beds and hot/cold water jet. Carpeting was great and the air-conditioning was soothing.

Next day morning I woke up and tried to make coffee. Used to Indian village life style where the coffee is served to men, I never knew the art of making it. I went to the coffee maker and was puzzled. I had a pouch of Brazilian coffee next to the coffee maker. I took the pouch stuffed it behind the coffee maker, poured a jar of water and kept it in front (it was an exercise in reverse). I switched on the coffee maker and found no response. I cursed and went to the bathroom to take a shower. It was glistening and all stuff to clean every part of my body was neatly stacked. I looked in front of me and saw a gadget that had too many things to rotate. Used to a single shower over head, I had no clue which one to turn. Randomly I turned few and closed my eyes expecting a chill spray of water. Suddenly a spurt of steaming hot water hit me like bullets. By the time I opened my eyes it was too late. It was too hot and the bathroom was full of steam. I could not locate the knobs to open the door and was screaming. I somehow managed and ran out. On hearing the scream, the housekeeping rushed in swiping their electronic cards to open my main door. I was looking at three impeccably uniformed housekeeping staff – all girls wide eyed! They were also looking at me wide eyed! It took a couple of seconds to realize that I was stark naked and dripping. I grabbed a towel and covered myself and showed the bathroom. Presuming something was wrong they peeped inside only to realize what I had done. One of them walked in and closed the jet. One of them turned to look at the coffee maker and almost fainted! If I the coffee worker had worked then I would have caused an electrical short circuit! I could sense that they were unable to suppress their laughter but managed a smile – after all they are in the hospitality industry!

Hold on for my next outing here….

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