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So she explains that what she wants to do is make Obama and McCain look stupid, because nobody gets in HER way, and she needs some ´Ordinary Joe´ to set them up, so they look bad, have to pull out, and she can step in and win. I thought, man, it´s about time we had a chick in the White House. And this Hillary is way better looking than the other guys. She´ll sure look good on TV. Anyway, we all know that women can´t fix things. Plus I figured that the White House must sure have a lot of plumbing. I read that they have 35 bathrooms, and thought wow, they need me. Hillary´s cool, she doesn´t care about that little problem with the licence. Anyway, she may not know about plumbing, but if there´s one thing that lady does know how to fix, it´s trouble with the law, so I said hey, if you can sort out the tax thing, I´m in!
Thing is, it didn´t quite work out the way she wanted it. Those two guys are still in the running. So she called me and man, I could feel that fury reaching all the way to Ohio. ´WurzelBACHER´, she spat, ´you sure made a mess of this. I had my foot in the door of the White House, and you slammed it on my foot. And Hillary Rodham Clinton never forgets someone who does her a bad turn´. Thing is, Hill, I said, holding the phone well away, cos that lady has a voice that could scare that Bin Laden guy out of his cave when she´s mad, I got offered a better deal. You can´t blame a guy for looking out for himself. I was thinking, hey what if I really did have that $250,000 company? Wouldn´t that be cool? I could drive around with ´Joe the Plumber´ on my vans, and everyone will want to get their drains fixed by the most famous plumber in Ohio. Wow, what a dream …
Then that Oprah Winfrey called me, and man, she could tempt Jesus himself. With what she had to offer, I just couldn´t say no. I get a whole show devoted to me, plus a book deal, and she said ‘Joe, when I go on my show and mention a book, the whole of America buys it. You´ll sell millions. But you have to say everything in the book, and I mean EVERYTHING, you can´t miss a thing out´. And I figured that business wasn´t so far away after all. Hey, I could have a whole fleet of ´Joe the Plumber´ vans! Every kid will want his own ´Joe the Plumber´ toy car. I could sell official merchandise, man I´ll not only be rich, I´ll be famous! Cos everyone likes to laugh at politicians, right? And those guys look real dumb, even if it didn´t quite work out the way Ms Clinton wanted it. So I said, sorry lady, you´ll have to find another way into the White House. I´m gonna be on Oprah! And I hung up on her. I figured, what´s she gonna do? Women like to shout but it don´t mean nothing, she´ll probable take it out on Bil …..
**Editor´s note** This bloodstained manuscript was found in a garbage can in Toledo, near Joe´s residence. Its authenticity is as yet unconfirmed.
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