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WHO AM I?
written by A.J. Angerstein
© by A.J. Angerstein
October, 10, 2012
I am often told that one of my biggest faults, or weaknesses is not being able to let “things that people think or say” bounce off. Or not being able to care less about others people feelings or thoughts. The fact is I do care about what others think, others feel. I do care about others problems. So yes, I am one of these people who will pass out a bottle of water, or package of crackers, or even just a pair of socks or gloves to a person on a street corner. Yes, I do care what they say, what their story is. Experience is one of the greatest teachers. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to experience it yourself. If you listen with your heart you might learn from others experiences also. Yes, I do care about the people in other countries going hungry, or without warm clothing or an education. As for caring about what people say or think, yes I do care. They are entitled to their opinion, just as I am. So, while others think this may be a weakness, while I should not be able to control what they think or say, I do still care. I do not myself consider this a weakness or fault. And if it is, I hope it is one I never lose.
The second thing people say is one of my weaknesses is over thinking a situation. Well, perhaps I do over think it. I will probably drive myself crazy thinking about it. But eventually, through all that thinking about it, a solution will present itself.
Others still have told me to “LET GO< LET GOD”. WELL< while I am thinking about that situation, I may not be praying out loud, but I am still praying about it. For I believe that God or the Great Creator, whatever one prefers to call him/her/it hears my thoughts as well as my spoken words.
My biggest weaknesses is patience. I have none. This is a very well known fact amongst everyone who knows me. However, that weakness also provides me with strength to keep pushing forward. To keep putting one foot in front of the other. So to me, this isn't exactly a weakness at all.
I probably have more faults than the next person. I could not balance our nations budget. Nor could I negotiate a deal with another country. I could not, and would not want to be the president. I really can't think why anyone would? After all, the president of every country, of every organization is carefully scrutinized, and the most talked about person in this world. I am surprised that someone hasn't asked what kind of toilet paper he uses. I bet they have, they just haven't gone public with it. So, therefore, another fault of mine is in knowing my limitations when it comes to doing certain things. On the other hand, since I know these limitations why would I even try to do them? I can name just about every fault I have.
I know I gripe too much, cry to much, don't smile enough, am hurt by what others do say, and that someday, I will have to just accept this and answer to whomever it is we answer to when that big day comes in our lives, for these things.
I know it is my fault that I can not tolerate being prejudice in any form. Whether it be against race, religion or creed. If it is considered bullying or being prejudice, then I can't handle it. That is my fault though, not the person who is prejudice.
I know I like to think of myself as having dignity. Maybe that is a sin, however, if it is, then I will answer for that one. For I think that dignity, faith of some sort, love and honesty are about the most important qualities we as humans have. I also believe our outer shell is just that. A vessel that holds our souls. I believe it is our souls that is our essence. NOT our flesh and bone. For this if it is a fault, I will keep it. I will not apologize for the way I believe, or think. You have a right to your belief, just as I do.
Maybe I am sounding off, am opinionated. Yes, I guess I am. However, I am not putting down that woman who had to have an abortion, I do not know her circumstances nor have I walked in her shoes. So, no I will not apologize for that, nor will I apologize for all the other faults I have. They are my faults, you will not be held responsible for them.
Well, I needed to write. So I am writing. I am a worry-wart, or wort, can't exactly remember how to spell that phrase. I am proud of my ancestry line, and yes I do worry. I worry because I am AMERICAN. IT has been said, by someone who lived a long time ago, “Bring me your hungry, your tired, and your weary.” It said nothing about leaving their belief's or religion behind.
So to those who want to know who I am really am? Well, I am me. I am an ALL AMERICAN, whose ancestors came from exactly the same places your did. ALL OVER THIS BIG OLE WORLD. IT is my right, my privilege to worry about others, to worry about my family, to care about others and to care about my family. I may not understand them, but as Max Ehrmann said in Desiderata, “Listen to everyone, even the dull and the ignorant, they too, have their story.” I won't give advice, I just try to follow my own. I listen with my heart, my soul, not my ears, not my eyes and do my level best not to judge. And yet, I am also guilty of that. We all make mistakes. That is what the carbon based figure known as a human does best. We make mistakes. Once we stop making those mistakes, we might as well consider ourselves extinct, and completely gone from this earth.
I guess I will just have to keep my faults, it is those faults that make me who I am.
A.J. Angerstein
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